...To the natural

HAIR UPDATE:

Okay I haven't had a relaxer in about 2.5 months. I have like 1.5 inches of new growth and my hair is extremely thick. I run my fingers through my hair all the time, trying to figure out what the texture is going to be like. So far I think that my hair is gonna have some curl and spring to it (this could be wishful thinking).

A few of my cousins are natural and loving it. They are trying to talk me into chopping all my hair off. The thought runs across my mind every once in a while, when I get agitated with the mixture of textures. But I'm one of those people who look at women who have chopped their hair off and say oh...that's cute...on THEM. 

I did chop about an inch off my hair 2 weeks ago because my ends were split and my curls were looking horrible. I felt better afterwards.

I've been committed to staying away from the flat iron and teaching myself other ways to deal with the kinks. The roller/rod set worked out well for me. I'd touch it up with a curling iron, if needed. I also do the "braid out" style. A weave may be coming in the near future though. Stay tuned.

My Hair Idol:

Some things I've learned along the way:

1. Water, actually soft water (to be specific) is great moisturizer for your hair. Staying hydrated is super important as well.

2. Co-washing is basically rinsing your hair and putting conditioner in it. Do this along with deep conditioning to keep your hair healthy.

3. Avoid shampoos with "sulfates" in them. They dry out your hair.


4. Try not to straighten the hair. It causes heat damage and may cause breakage.

5. Wear your hair with confidence!

I can't even put this into words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Transition...To Adulthood

I'M ONLY 1/5 of an ADULT: 
Can you believe that? My only qualifying factor is that I have finished school. However, I have yet to find a stable job, move out of my parents home, marry and have kids. These are the other milestones of adulthood according to this article.

While being a recent grad and unemployed, I find myself going through feelings of hopeful optimism mixed with self-questioning pessimism. After all, school is pointless if you don't get a job afterwards. So I start to think about my life choices. I say to myself: Self, why did you go to film school? Why not engineering? Why don't you already have 2-5 years of job experience?

To top it off, everyone asks me EVERY TIME THEY SEE ME whether I have found a job or not. No, I am not a productive member of society.

THE DILEMMA: I'm in Chicago
Yes I know that there are very few production companies in Chicago, but I have to have money in order to move. Industry jobs tend to be seasonal/temporary, and the connection that I do have are telling me to contact them when I get to NYC. Um...what does that mean? I would need to fly to NYC, live in a closet and then call you and maybe get a temp job? Oh no.

A NEW SURGE OF FAITH:
Lately I've been hit with a new surge of faith and optimism because fall is approaching and therefore media jobs, that tend to be seasonal, are opening up. It's very easy to slip into anxiety/depression during this time, as I am learning. Yet my faith that God has my back keeps me going. In the meantime I make up productive things to do, so I feel like I'm being productive--hence this blog.

THE ICING ON THE CAKE:
Why did the City of Chicago send me a $100 ticket in the mail. WHY WHY WHY!

I'll keep y'all posted on the job search...on my terms. DON'T ASK ME.

Faith,
MorganEliseJ

S/N This is AMAZING and so relevant to my previous post. S/O to Aziza Walker (editor).

...To Love

This probably isn't a surprise to most of you but I attended private school for my entire life, with rich suburban white kids. In a Preschool-9th grade school I was 1 of 2 black kids...the other black kid was my older male cousin. And I stood out like a sore thumb. Ever since I was 8 years old my male cousins would constantly make it their business to prevent me from dating white men. I guess they figured that I would fall in love with white men because of my day to day contact with them in school. Even as a little girl I would stare at them in disgust, as if to say "ninja, you don't even KNOW me...or what I go through."

I was convinced that white boys at my school didn't even see me as a girl. No one looked at me and I didn't care. After all, I knew I was cute. Clearly, something was wrong with them. And then it happened. A group of boys were talking about something. They turned and looked at me. I looked back at them. Then one of them said, "What? You know she's hot." I was dumbfounded thinking, so they knew I looked good all along?

I've never been asked out by a white guy. Never. I bet that's hard to believe, but it's true. I'm trying to write this post without seeming completely prejudice but...who cares. Going to a private, boarding high school with rich white kids did not make dating any easier for me. I gave up pretty early, after all I had to compete with white girls (and that's all I'll say about that...). Yes some guys were interested in black girls, but only ones who they saw as Jezebels.

When a friend sent me this article it stirred up all kinds of emotion. I feel like it's such an OLD conversation but somehow it's still relevant. Black women, why are we undateable? Why are we growing old and not marrying? Articles like these strike fear in too many of my friends, as we sit and talk about which one of us isn't going to make it down the isle. The odds are against us college educated Black women because we outnumber Black men in school and the rest are in jail or batting for the other team and blah blah...

I refuse to speak such things into existance, but it is an unfortunate reality of many women. These articles make it seems like black women hiss and claw at white men when they approach us. Am I missing something? Are white men sitting around dreaming of marrying a black women? Where are these Robin Thickes?

Excuse me for saying that Black will always be my preference. Black don't crack and I'm going to need my husband to be as fine as me when we grow old together...without botox. (Y'all should know me by now). But let me hit 28 and still be single...

Do you have jungle fever?

smooches,
MorganEliseJ

S/N

Those of you who know me very well know that I love The Wiz. What can I say? It's brilliant. And this clip is oh so fab. When I get my money right, I'm going to stop and pose in the streets just like this!

Transition...To Love

Ashley chose JP!

Let me just get one thing straight. I am NOT one of those people who looks forward to the Bachelor and The Bachelorette series to air every year... But somehow I got pulled into this year's season of The Bachelorette. I literally could not take my eyes off of the screen. As I watched JP propose to Ashley, I found myself smiling ear to ear like I was getting the ring or something. Seriously though, emotion was welling up inside me. The same goes for those friggin wedding shows on TLC that my mom (not me) is completely addicted to watching, like Say Yes to the Dress. It's like once you start watching one of these shows, you can't stop. You have to see it through. You have to see if love is going to prevail. Let's face it. We're obsessed with love stories. And not just love stories. We're obsessed with marriage weddings. That's why the whole world stopped for the Royal Wedding...but how many of us are actually concerned with the Royal Marriage? ...That's what I thought. There are very few displays of successful marriages in the media. We just love to hear about the path to love...and then the break up story.

So back to weddings:

I found myself on video chat with my friend talking about the songs we had chosen for our "first dance." Mind you, neither of us are anywhere near engaged nor are we concerned with our future hubbies' thoughts on what "our song" should be. And no I'm not telling you what it is. Somebody might steal it and then I'll be pissed! The worst part is that the song isn't the only thing I have planned out in my mind. From my bridesmaids to the father-daughter dance, my imagination runs wild. Believe me, you all will be very impressed.

Anyway, ladies, WHY DO WE DO THIS? Why do we sit around and fantasize about our wedding day and watch show like Say Yes to the Dress over and over and over again. The show is literally exactly the same every time.  I think what fascinates us is the ability to judge. To judge the dresses, the women in the dresses, to judge whether their choices are the "correct" choice, according to us.  I'm sure I'm not the only one to say nuh uh she's to [blank] for that style. See that's ugly--I don't know why she brought all her friends to the viewing.

Maybe we love these shows because they allow us to live vicariously through these women, through our own fantasies of love and marriage weddings. It's like fairy tales for grown ups. We can't help but impose our own thoughts and emotions onto the TV screen and imagine how we would do it--or compare how we had done it or would have done it, if we had $3,000.00 to buy a wedding dress (for the married readers).

Needless to say, the only dream I remember having as a little girl was to be married to a man I love so much and to have the wedding of my dreams. I don't know what that says about me, but...if it aint happening soon, at least I can watch scripted wedding shows on TV. They always have an happy ending. Pray for me, y'all.

to love,

MorganEliseJ

NOT my wedding song...but still GREAT. 

Side note: Why does my generation has to go WAY back in time to find some decent wedding song material? Whomp.